Responce to Troy's Opening Statement

i was read Troy's interesting paragragh about how Parents should be able to modify their children's DNA, and i feel like i agree.  I especially like the idea that parents should have a lisense saying that they are sane, because pepole may be unfit to make the correct decision.  "I say that it is the parent’s choice, but they need to have some sort of license that signifies that they are capable to make the right decision."  To add on, i think taht people should go through a  series of drug tests, to make sure they are not on drugs.  They should also check the parent's alcohol level to make sure that they aren't drunk and making a spur of the moment decision that might be wrong for them in the future. I really liked how troy made the paragraph more personal, with out so many sources.  this made me feel as though i have a connection with those parents.  Also, the informal writing style made me feel as though i was talking to him directly.  it enhanced my understanding and enjoyment of reading this piece.My favorite part of the essay was the beginning. He said: 

I was reading the news when I came across a couple from Australia who had a miscarriage. They saw the baby’s face and instantly fell in love. They wanted to have another girl who looked just like her, so they tried again. This time they got twin boys. Since they wanted a girl the aborted the twins. I am against abortion, but I understand their view point.

This part was a perfect hook of the essay.  It made me feel connected to the piece on a level that just concrete details couldn't give me.  It was a wonderful aspect of DNA mutation.


One thing that i would point out to troy, is that he should put the sources and urls  and link the resources in the actual paragraph because it is more convenient for the reader.  Also, the paragraph should include more concrete ideas, because although i liked the personal level, i don't feel like it is strong enough by itself.  It would be a flawless essay if he was able to incorporate both parts.  Other than that, this paragraph was almost perfect.